Oceans

Oceans

If I had known then what I know now… I would have stopped and said something else. My mouth always gets me in trouble because it has No direct wiring to my brain; I speak only from my heart. In my heart I have love for everyone, but especially for her. Her love, is elsewhere, as always seems to be the case, but it’s passion that really counts, and I know full well that’s something she doesn’t lack. It’s just misguided, like a motherless puppy or a moth when you flick the light switch on and off rapidly, but who am I to be the judge of where she puts her passion (It’s not like I can be an unbiased judge of it anyway). She can love whoever or whatever she wants and I’m not the one who’s gonna stop her. You know, I back away and pull closer because that’s my weird way of showing I care, when I realized I’ve crossed too many red lines or haven’t shown my face in awhile. If the door’s open, you walk through it, and when it’s closed, you hold your head in your hands and cry until the right key-shaped tear comes out of your tired eyes, you use it to unlock the door, and the cycle of coming and going starts all over again. If I had known that the tides of love match the tides of the ocean so closely, I would have brought sodium and water together upon the shores of her heart, and I wouldn’t have waited to tell her how I felt, just embraced her and ignored the consequence that I may be alienating the closest friend I’ve never had. If I had known that every friend I’ve ever made, if every friend I have yet to make, was going to be gone before I was ready for them to leave, I would have been quicker, wiser, and would have said the words that have gathered so frequently on the tip of my tongue. If I had known that love, that friends, that everything just comes and goes like the waves of an ocean, and that if I try to stop, I’ll be washed away with it, too, I’d keep fighting, keep pushing, and keep loving, because natural forces, like love and like tides, I know now they don’t discriminate anyone. They affect us all, and that’s good to know, because I think love is rolling in.

Oceans was born from its first line, which was a writing prompt. This was the first poem where I was really excited to share it with people. I felt when I wrote this poem that it had the right similes, metaphors, was really descriptive. I had struggled with attachment at the time and this poem really put that out there for me. It still feels to have applicability now too, which makes it one of my favorite poems to read. The performance side of Oceans was poorly received though, making it more of a personal piece for me that I don't like to read much.